The Prodigal Daughter

A brand new start for me...

Strange how you can be so caught up in life and routine and essentially pleasing the world that you forget why you were living in the first place.

I didn't think it would happen to me...believers rarely do. I didn't know how to escape either.

At first it creeps into your life so slowly you hardly realize this draining of spirit and entering of sin is taking place. After a while, it hits you. You don't love the same anymore. You don't feel the same happiness or drive to do works for your Lord. You harden yourself to the pain and cry of the world around you. Why should it matter anymore, right? You're just one of them after all, searching and wondering how your life got to that same level of ignorance.

It's like being freshly trapped in a prison of your own crimes. You know what's going on in the world around you; for you were so recently free you can still almost feel it. Yet you stare at the cold, sunken faces surrounding you and realize you have no right to tell them the truth. There's a fatal battle going on outside for their souls, but how can you be the one to tell them when you're sentenced to death for the very same sins they are? It seems hypocritical...you're own unworthiness hits you like a wave and you sit by yourself quiet, hurt, awaiting yet another unfulfilled and uneventful day.

I had Jesus...He never left me, and will never leave me. His word promises me of this truth. Yet a life separated from His spirit by choice is one that no believer should ever have to suffer through. He wants not only the repentance and the promises but the life of love that only comes from a strong relationship with Him.

Relationships are work...I am realizing this more and more each day. I have let down a lot of friends due to my faulty human-defined relationship work. I am selfish and have hurt a lot of people and made a lot of excuses for my behavior.

I may have caused pain to them and myself, but I hurt Jesus far worse. He doesn't ever deserve the bad end of my hypocrisy and half-hearted Christian walk, and yet He was so incredibly willing to take me back when I came to Him in repentance last night. The prodigal daughter is once again safe in the arms of her loving Father.

Praise you Lord, for your unfailing grace and mercy on me every time I fail you and give in to temptation and sin, but return.