Mirror, Mirror on the Wall?

I can't tell you how quickly this day crept up on me or even why I'm so excited about it, but graduation is only three days away and nothing has currently captured more of my thoughts than it has!! Only three days... Three days until what? Do you understand what this means? This is the only day other than my wedding day that I've dreamt about since I was a very small girl. Every year since I was in the first grade, I have looked up on stage and watched the seniors receive their official high school diplomas, diplomas which ensure them that their career as ordinary students is over forever; that they can now move on to something much bigger and more exciting. Now that little girl who has watched patiently for the past eleven years is about to get her chance.

You know, I was looking at myself in the mirror the other day. Mirrors are such interesting inventions; for some they are nothing more than a means of checking up on their appearance, and making sure they look their best. Other people find mirrors to be a pedestal on which they can worship themselves in the privacy of their own rooms. Mirrors have been the subject of fantasy, fear, imagination, and symbolism for hundreds of years. To me a mirror is both my best friend and worst enemy. It is my worst enemy in the physical sense only; it forces me to see what I do not wish about myself. It is my best friend in the most literal sense of the word, pathetically enough. I don't have a lot of close friends; friends that I love and adore, yes, but rarely ones that I am close to in spirit. When I was a kid my best friends were always my cats. I knew I could tell them EVERYTHING, and I did. I do not have cats anymore so I have to improvise. I began by simply looking in the mirror while thinking to myself everyday. It was a way of getting my thoughts in order, I suppose, and not an easy task for I am hopelessly scatter-brained. Gradually I began speaking out loud, first in whisper only, now as loud as I can without being overheard. I know it sounds silly, even crazy, and sometimes it makes me angry that I can be better friends to a mirror than I can to a living person. Sometimes I even fear that my friendship with the mirror has taken away from my relationship with God a bit, not much, but every little bit is too much taken from Him. So I try to stay away from my mirror no matter how much she wishes me to draw near to her.

Where was I going with this?????? Oh my, I am so lost. I think I meant to go off into a description of how I looked in the mirror the other day in order to see if I was really cut out to be a graduate; sort of a non-self-absorbed "mirror, mirror on the wall" type of thing. But apparently my mind is not cooperating with my hands today. So I'll leave it at this: I am excited about graduation and ultimately blessed by God as always. Smileys...

Queen of the Cats

In Between

One of my best friends wrote the most beautiful poem/song that I just had to share. She has such creativity and a love for God and she blows me away when she comes up with stuff like this (mostly because I don't have a poetic bone in my body!!). Enjoy...

In Between

~*~*~

Night falls deeper than the sky
Day breaks faster than the night

I've felt your touch so many times
Though I may fall, I know you're mine
You held my hand so I could stand
For you and fall again.

My heart is racing
And I am chasing
Running to you with all my might
(with all my might)

Though I am weak
You never fail
You're always there to hold my veil
Out of my face.

Covered in Your blood
I can feel you running through my veins
(Like a drug, I'm so addicted)

We killed him, he died and rose
Doesn't He deserve our souls?

~*~*(C)Danielle R. E.~*~

One More Thing...

I want to mention that I fell out of bed this morning...hard, very hard. Not a really interesting reason either, just simple turned over to shut off my most annoying alarm clock and PLOP! Next thing I know, I'm lying on the floor, legs up in the air, blanket wrapped around me like a mummy, and alarm continuing to ring in all it's glory. So you'll have to excuse my last blog, the head's still just a bit jostled from the fall.

Queen of the Cats

Shallowness is Way Overrated

Okay let's get something straight right now before I go and make a complete fool of myself...again. I love people, I really do. Sometimes I don't necessarily want to be anywhere near them, but I always love them. I'm not only very fond of my friends, but all sorts of other people too whether they're like me or not (because, well lets just face it, NO ONE is like me). Okay with that said and out of the way, I need to get something off my chest. There is one group of people in this world that I find very difficult to get along with and even love sometimes. Cheerleaders. Oh the scariness. I'm not really opposed to any one of them in particular (on average), but more like the bunch of them as a whole; everything they stand for, their personalities, their boyfriends... it's all built upon a foundation of shallowness and insincerity. I've known a heck of a lot of affected people in my life, even befriended some on rare occasion, and let me tell you right now that there is no one worse than the cheerleaders. No, I am not jealous. They may be able to apply their make-up without flaw and face the world without fear of rejection while nerdy girls like me have to fight to be different and unique, but I'll take my life any day over theirs. After all, it must get rather tiring to be so incredibly perfect all the time, right? Yeah so I'm not trying to judge, simply to be honest. And just for the record there are some truly sweet and sincere cheerleaders out there too. They're a bit more difficult to find though.

Queen of the Cats

The Detective's View

Nothing is more convicting than knowing in your heart that you need to change, whether it be from God's Word speaking to you or just your own realization that you cannot go on living a certain way. I have a lot of faults. I suppose everyone does, but I wouldn't know for sure. After all, I am only me and can only speak for myself. Sometimes I'll find a new fault that has always been there; I just hadn't acknowledged it yet. This particular one is frustrating only in that it really takes hold of my emotions in little everyday things. I have mentioned that I'm quite analytical; nothing is truer. Most people would not believe this about me only because it is a known fact that I am rather slow. Everyone knows and accepts it, even I do in most areas. But sometimes I'm sharper than my friends or family realize. I'll notice a certain look someone gave or a simple word spoken that everyone else overlooked. Then I take it and analyze it to death, taking into consideration every part, side, and story it could possibly hold for everyone involved. Sometimes I'll take whole evenings dwelling on these little things. It really is a waste of time because not only does it take up hours, but it often causes me to blow things way out of proportion. I don't really mean to continue to do this with every circumstance I'm in and answer I am given, but most of the time I don't even realize I'm doing it anymore. I think it has caused other problems for me too, like feeding my already annoying dramatic side. It does amaze me, however, at just how complex a person's emotions and personality can be. You may think you know everything there is to know about someone or even yourself to some extent, but then one day you find out that you don't. And when something new is revealed it never ceases to cause surprise and amazement at the beautiful detail our Maker put into each one of us. Maybe that's the only logical way to look at this, not as a fault but as a personality trait that can be either good or bad depending on how I choose to use it. Maybe I should just go and become a detective. Well that does give me some career possibilities, now doesn't it? :-)

Queen of the Cats

Ready, Willing, and Waiting

It never ceases to amaze me the way my Lord is able to use something that should very well have been a heartbreaking circumstance for the goodness of His plan and will. This even includes taking bad nights and turning them into something good. By all means last night should have been a particularly bad night for me. I ran into a friend that I've worried over, prayed for, and haven't seen in exactly a year. Got to talking to him and found that he hasn't changed much since then. He is still lost somewhere in his own definition of truth and reality instead of relying upon and accepting God's. But I say he hasn't changed much because he has changed, a little. Last night I noticed two things about him. When I looked in his eyes, I noticed that the presence of hard-heartedness was absent. He still had the same lost and hurting type of look, but the I-hate-God-and-am-blocking-out-every-word-you-say look was gone. He came up to me completely voluntarily (and rather randomly, I may add) and wanted to explain to me everything he believed in, whether I cared to know or not. But I did care very much. And he also let me explain what I believed, which was even more amazing. The second thing I noticed about him was that his reason for doing things and wanting things had shifted slightly. Instead of pursuing desires merely for physical and worldly purposes, he now cared about such beautiful ideals as love, acceptance, and family value. It surprised me the way he was able to look me in the eye and speak of these things with a level of consistency. Although last night should have been a heartbreaking one for me, it was not. For the first time I was able to look inside this friend's heart and see the hopelessness and searching he is struggling with, and yet I don't feel depressed or worried or upset as I usually do under these circumstances. In fact, if anything, I am in so much peace and encouragement right now. I may not have all the answers or even any of them, but I do have a friend who is willing to listen. That's all I ask, and that's the first thing God asks too. A heart ready, willing, and waiting. Ready for answers, willing for conviction, waiting for truth.

Queen of the Cats

My Favorite Love Song

Yes, so this is my song!! MY song, the one I love, adore, obsess over, will play most definitely at my wedding! Best version was done by who else?? Alison Krauss!!! Enjoy!

When You Say Nothing At All

~~~~~

It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart

Without saying a word you light up the dark

Try as I may I could never explain

What I hear when you don't say a thing

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me

There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me

The touch of your hands says you'll catch me if ever I fall

You say it best when you say nothing at all

All day long I can hear people talking out loud

But when you hold me near you drown out the crowd

Old Mr. Webster could never describe

What's being said between your heart and mine

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me

There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me

The touch of your hands says you'll catch me if ever I fall

You say it best when you say nothing at all

A Tribute to Mankind

Don't you find it incredible how a single word, gesture, glance, ect., can completely and instantly alter the current emotional being of a woman? No wonder men get so confused. I don't blame them one bit. I mean one instant a girl is happy, content; the next one can only hope to escape the great extent of her wrath. One moment she in sunk down into the greatest depths of despair and depression; the very next milli-second she's laughing so hard you would think she could burst. I honestly don't know how the men put up with it. It really just doesn't seem fair to them. So I salute you, males of the world, for living with and loving our quirks, our emotions, our annoyances, and our crazy antics just the way they are. It is every one of you who make up true heroes! As always...

Queen of the Cats

Grace by which I stand...

I was meditating on grace a little bit today. Isn't it amazing that an all powerful God would love every one of us here on earth so much that He beckons us back to Him with arms wide open even when we've made the most horrible mistakes? Even when we've left His side to follow our own whims? He never leaves and never gives up. It makes my heart break even more over the thought that I'm capable of hurting him over and over again, while armed with this knowledge. I shouldn't have been given love this deep or grace this pure. But I was. And He continues to give it freely no matter how much each one of us breaks His heart. I want to stay in a consistent walk with my father. this is so difficult to do, but something that has helped me lately is a quote I heard.

"To love the Lord less today than you did yesterday is to start backsliding."

I never looked at my spiritual walk in such a direct and straightforward manner. But it's helped me to evaluate the way I approach God every day, and I can feel myself growing stronger.

Father, keep me pure in Your grace and strong in Your love.